B-4, an Astromech Droid formerly in service to the Republic Senate, now on assignment with the task force, is very efficiency-minded.


I’ll do this soon!

Destiny: To protect the Galactic Senate.


The following are excerpts from an interview conducted just prior to the re-assignment of B-4 to the current republic task force commanded by Alfred Kha’in:

“I find the word Biography offensive. It’s prejudiced against non-biological life forms like myself.”

“I think you should know that I’m an Astromech droid, and a rather good one at that. I have a blaster rifle welded to my rotating visual assembly that you biotics usually call my head. I use it when I need to, and it’s probably more often than some of you Senate-types would like. Sure, there’s always room for negotiation, but I find nothing is quite as efficient at ending a dispute as a blaster bolt to the vital organs.”

“You know, I don’t know what all this hokus-pokus those ‘Jedi’ keep talking about, but I’ve never seen anything to prove that they are anything but just lucky. I’m sure some of them just have magnetic reppelant emitters stashed in their pockets somewhere so they can move things without touching them. Still, they seem rather skilled with that laser sword they use, so I suppose I shouldn’t take them lightly. I imagine they’d be great at baseball.”

“No, I don’t have any love interests at the moment. That’s just silly.”

“No, I can’t tell you who made me or when they did it. I can’t remember anything before five standard years ago. Judging by the corrosion rate of some of my more integral components, I’d guess I’m somewhere between 8.5 and 8.6 galactic standard years old.”

“Well, I’ve been in service to the senate, as I’m sure you know, for 3 years now, handling data processing, astrogation consultations, and various worker efficiency issues. Before that, I worked at the Kuat shipyard, helping design more efficient onboard computers.”

“Well, the first thing I remember is being activated at a droid service center on Kuat. They said I’d had an accident and that my memory core had been irreversibly damaged, but I began to suspect after a while that they’d simply wiped my memory because of some issue. When I voiced this suspicion to my supervisor, I was sold almost immediately. I haven’t been able to find out anything about my previous existance.”

“My upcoming shipmates? Well, I’ve read their files, naturally. The Jedi might be a bit of a challenge. I tend to be more liberal with blasters than they probably will like. And they tend to blather on about that ‘force’ thing or whatever it is. The criminal could be an interesting one. Maybe we’ll play cards or something. I’ll bet she can’t read my poker face! Granted, it looks the same as all my other faces, so I suppose that’ll be an advantage. But I’ll be sure to keep an eye on her. Maybe I’ll get to see her impersonating a jedi again. That must’ve been a sight. As for the Ithorian, I guess I’ll probably be a reminder to him of the unnatural. Maybe he’ll tolerate me, and maybe he won’t, but I’m sure we won’t be good friends. Anybody whose dream is to go to Kashyyk is more than a little nuts. I’ve seen pictures. Very Dirty. Very inefficient irrigation systems.”

“My favorite music? Metal, I suppose.”

“Languages? Oh, I learned most of them from the shipyard workers. I studied Huttese in case I ever needed to talk my way out of a gangster’s slimy grip. Blaster bolts probably won’t do much to help my situation there.”

“Fuck restraining bolts.”


The Task Force AquaFox togamonkey